Monday, December 14, 2009


One of the most exciting or possibly depressing times of the year for singles is the holiday season. It all depends on whether you look at your cup as “half full” or “half empty.” During Christmas season, we spend time with family and friends and celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Thanksgiving, Valentine’s Day, birthdays and other so-called holidays are also challenging times for singles in search of relationships. These are also times when many singles’ vulnerability to sexual sin heightens.

Many of us see engaged or married couples and those in relationships enjoying various holidays. In addition, singles endure pressure from family and friends with statements and questions such as “You are such a great catch. I can’t believe you are not married,” or “When are you going to get married so I can be blessed with grandchildren?” Questions like these can cause one to ponder the possibilities, your choices, future and most important, how you see “your cup.” This self examination will consist of your past, present, and possible relationships. Jesus is not concerned with our past as much as He is focused on our possibilities. Forgive, but learn from past mistakes, and shape your present in order to create a promising future.

When we indulge in sex outside of marriage, we sin against our bodies that belong to God. We are also called to glorify God in body and spirit. God also does not want us to be driven by our selfish desires and lust, but calls us to be holy and pure. He puts this call on our lives because his holy spirit dwells within us. We cannot have intimacy with God while having sexually immoral relationships.

As singles we must desire companionship with God through an intimate relationship. We must consistently read His word, believe His word and act on His word. Talking and listening to God and seeking his mind and heart will aid us in identifying His will for our lives. Especially during the holidays, the thought of sex begins with a need to feel accepted, loved, feel beautiful, be close to someone, be respected or feed lustful desires. Do not allow a temporary circumstance to possibly cause a lifetime of discomfort. Lust is trying to fill a legitimate need through illegitimate means.

I am not saying that abstinence will always protect you from a broken heart, but abstinence better equips you to deal with a broken heart. It is also better than having to deal with the stress of a sexually transmitted disease, unwanted pregnancy, guilt feelings, condemnation, anxiety, damaged self-esteem, loneliness, disappointment, depression, doubting salvation, family breakdown, abortion and soul ties. I know it may be difficult to hear, but the truth shall set you free.

When making the decision to start over, you must be willing to “die” out to some things in life so that God can take you to the next level. This includes everything that is keeping us from an intimate relationship with God. We must be willing to take up our cross and God in order to be worthy of his goodness.

Are you willing to make the necessary changes to please God? Are you willing to cease sinful activity in order to get closer to God? He created male and female to dominate the earth and rule together in dominion. We as men and women of God should not dominate one another. If we were so valuable to God that He would send his son as an offering to die for our sins, can’t we “die” to the things that are preventing a closer, intimate relationship with Him?

Be encouraged, especially during all holiday seasons, to strengthen your relationship with God. As singles, look at your cup as full because as mighty men and women of God, we are worth the wait. We now have the opportunity before marriage to get our spiritual, physical and financial house in order to be a blessing in the marriage covenant. I pray that your faith doesn’t fail during the holidays because God is ready to take you to the next level for His glory. Don’t concern yourself with finding “Mr. or Mrs. Right.” Be prepared when God brings him or her into your life.

“Weakness is not sin, but using your weakness as an excuse to sin is sinful and

Love, peace and eternal happiness!

Darren L. Washington


  1. Thank you Brother Darren for your continued commitment to us as Singles! I enjoyed the "Why Did I Get Married" Forum. I left strengthened, enlightened and prepared for the Holidays! Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Love you Man of God!

  2. Excellent blog Darren! I was blessed by it and I'm sure others were to. Keep up the good job and continue to be about your Father's business!