Thursday, October 29, 2009

Boys to Men: Living by Example

As men we are responsible for setting a standard for the growth and development of our families, which include our wives, our children, and ourselves. Sexual immorality has been a major problem for men since the beginning of man’s existence. Again, I want to thank the many married and single women who have preached, taught, and spread the message of sexual purity for all single males and females regardless the age. It is time for men to “Man Up” and make the necessary psychological, emotional, and spiritual transformation from “Boys to Men” concerning sexual purity.

As men, we must take the responsibility in helping our boys understand the characteristics and responsibilities of Godly men. Regardless of past and present mistakes, we have a responsibility to impart wisdom to our young men. We want to make sure they have the necessary tools to pass the test they will encounter during their lives. They will and must be tested and it is our duty to help prepare them as much as possible. Our present and future families depend on the relationships we have with our women of God. We must continue to remind ourselves as men, and teach our young men that:

• Making babies outside of marriage does not make you a man, it makes you irresponsible

• It‘s responsible to pay child support and spend time with your children, but it’s wise to refrain from sexual activity until marriage to raise your children in a two parent home without the “Baby Momma Drama”

• Using a condom does not protect you from all sexually transmitted diseases

• Using a condom does not protect you from the emotional and spiritual consequences of sex (obsessive behavior like stalking women)

• Females are to be loved and respected, not looked at as objects of desire to be used and abused. How would you want a man to look and treat your mother and sister?

• Choosing a wife will one of the most important decisions you will ever make

• Godly married men don’t cheat on their wives, and single men don’t cheat in their relationships

• We gain wisdom and discernment by having an intimate relationship with God by praying, reading,        studying, and living by HIS word.
Young men who are irresponsible learn their behavior from irresponsible adult men. These men don’t understand that action speaks louder than words, and young men often duplicate the actions they see. There are adult men who are responsible and engaged in their son’s lives, and others whom are involved in youth programs. We have many men who are working with youth to eliminate gang violence, drug use, and promote the benefits of a quality education.

The few men, who speak to young men concerning sexual activity, limit their words of wisdom to the use of a condom and “safe sex” practices as the only form of birth control. The men who provide this ill-advised solution are single men who engage in premarital sex, and married men who engaged in sexual activity before marriage. Men who speak up for God and sexual purity are looked at by many as square, ignorant, foolish, and promoting a lifestyle that is impossible for men to live by.

Who says men can’t be sexually pure until marriage? Who says men can’t be faithful to women in committed relationships without being sexually active? Who says men can’t be faithful to their wives in marriage? The only men who feel this way are single men who engage in sexual activity, the women they are sleeping with, and the married men and women who cheat on their spouses.

Godly men know in spite of our past mistakes, we are “God Chasers” who are not perfect but have a burning desire to please God by feeding the “Spirit Man” and not the flesh. Let’s be honest with our young men and share with them some of the unwise choices we may have made in the areas of sex, drugs, fighting, lying, cheating, and any other negative actions God delivered us from. We can’t allow pride and a false perception of perfection (now that we are doing better at living a life pleasing to God) to hide the fact that we all make mistakes, and to seek forgiveness from God, our women, our children, our family and friends is what Godly men do.

6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
(Proverbs 22:6)

It’s time for “Men of God” to break the manly “Code of Silence” and speak life, wisdom, and Jesus into the lives of our future men, husbands, and leaders. Let’s remind ourselves and teach them:
• Block out sexually impure thoughts by redirecting your focus to something positive and non sexual like sports, starting a business, or going to subway

• Not to become weak and drop your guard because women respect and admire you

• Learn to appreciate the beauty of women, but learn not to lust after women

• Be cautious and prayerful of the type of women you love, give affection and conversation

• Before passion grows, decide what type of woman you will love

• Determine if a woman’s character and faith in God is as attractive as her beauty

• Sexual purity will allow you the opportunity to make sure a woman’s personality, attitude, and commitment to solve problems are as gratifying as her hugs

• The enemy will attack when you are emotionally and physically drained, so get proper rest

• You must be tested, so study the word of God to prepare yourself

• Be patient, no need to rush

14 Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God. 15 "Be careful not to make a treaty with those who live in the land; for when they prostitute themselves to their gods and sacrifice to them, they will invite you and you will eat their sacrifices. 16 And when you choose some of their daughters as wives for your sons and those daughters prostitute themselves to their gods, they will lead your sons to do the same. (Exodus 34:14-16)

Always stay alert to the schemes of the enemy. We can never pray enough, read the word enough, or attend too many church services. Don’t take “sinning breaks” (you know what I’m talking about “Lord I’ve been good for 3 months, so I deserve a little break”) because the enemy is looking for a crack to launch his attack. Please be cautious of what type of women you allow to occupy time in the auditorium of your mind. God created women to be loved by us, and for her to be a helper suitable for us. Choose your helper (wife) wisely, because every woman you meet does not have the intention to help. It doesn’t make you less of a man to run from temptation. Run my father, my brother, my son. Run, run, run, and run!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10 And though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even be with her. 11 One day he went into the house to attend to his duties, and none of the household servants was inside. 12 She caught him by his cloak and said, "Come to bed with me!" But he left his cloak in her hand and ran out of the house. (Genesis 39:10-12)

The enemy understands the plans that God has for men to help advance his kingdom. Working and ruling with our women in dominion to rule the earth is his desire for us. The journey of being Godly men is a never ending process, but how successful the journey will depend on the choices we make. Choose life. Choose Jesus Christ as your King.

Love, peace, and eternal happiness

Darren L. Washington


  1. You've made several valid points concerning the need for positive male role models in the lives of young boys. One of the reasons we lack distinguished men of character and integrity, is primarily due to the fact that men do not understand their purpose, and who God created them to be. Some men do not see themselves as kings, a priest, a leader, a protector, and a teacher. As a result, we have generational curses that continues to manifest in today's generation. We have to replace our ignorance with wisdom, knowledge and sound biblical principals. Also, we need to model the behavior that we are expecting out of our children. Children are a gift from God. As He gives them to us, it's up to the parents to raise them in the fear of God and make an investment in their lives that will bring glory to the Father (God). God Bless

  2. Brother Darren....AWESOME ARTICLE!!! If you don't mind I would love to share this as note to my male friends on FB. Very Powerful....please keep up the good work for the Kingdom, you make The King proud. =-)

    Calvary's Love,
    Eld. Janeen

  3. Woman of God, allow the Lord to use you in whatever way he chooses. You have my blessings in all that you do, because I know you are a "Woman of God"

  4. Brother Darren this is an excellent article. My question is...where do we begin in changing the mindsets? How do we overcome what has already been embedded in our young men? As a young, Christian woman I try to minister to young and mature men all the time. It seems to fall on deaf ears or I'm met with resistance. I so appreciate you coming out to our Single's Conference and "backing me up" or "co-signing" by speaking to our men. Your presence made a difference in their lives! You were a "living example" to our men that men can live holy and still be a man! But there are not many of you and I cannot call you every time I minister to our brothers. So as a woman of God who is trying to not grow weary in well doing, I would like to know your strategy?