One of the most exciting or possibly depressing times of the year for singles is the holiday season. It all depends on whether you look at your cup as “half full” or “half empty.” During Christmas season, we spend time with family and friends and celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Thanksgiving, Valentine’s Day, birthdays and other so-called holidays are also challenging times for singles in search of relationships. These are also times when many singles’ vulnerability to sexual sin heightens.
Many of us see engaged or married couples and those in relationships enjoying various holidays. In addition, singles endure pressure from family and friends with statements and questions such as “You are such a great catch. I can’t believe you are not married,” or “When are you going to get married so I can be blessed with grandchildren?” Questions like these can cause one to ponder the possibilities, your choices, future and most important, how you see “your cup.” This self examination will consist of your past, present, and possible relationships. Jesus is not concerned with our past as much as He is focused on our possibilities. Forgive, but learn from past mistakes, and shape your present in order to create a promising future.
When we indulge in sex outside of marriage, we sin against our bodies that belong to God. We are also called to glorify God in body and spirit. God also does not want us to be driven by our selfish desires and lust, but calls us to be holy and pure. He puts this call on our lives because his holy spirit dwells within us. We cannot have intimacy with God while having sexually immoral relationships.
As singles we must desire companionship with God through an intimate relationship. We must consistently read His word, believe His word and act on His word. Talking and listening to God and seeking his mind and heart will aid us in identifying His will for our lives. Especially during the holidays, the thought of sex begins with a need to feel accepted, loved, feel beautiful, be close to someone, be respected or feed lustful desires. Do not allow a temporary circumstance to possibly cause a lifetime of discomfort. Lust is trying to fill a legitimate need through illegitimate means.
I am not saying that abstinence will always protect you from a broken heart, but abstinence better equips you to deal with a broken heart. It is also better than having to deal with the stress of a sexually transmitted disease, unwanted pregnancy, guilt feelings, condemnation, anxiety, damaged self-esteem, loneliness, disappointment, depression, doubting salvation, family breakdown, abortion and soul ties. I know it may be difficult to hear, but the truth shall set you free.
When making the decision to start over, you must be willing to “die” out to some things in life so that God can take you to the next level. This includes everything that is keeping us from an intimate relationship with God. We must be willing to take up our cross and God in order to be worthy of his goodness.
Are you willing to make the necessary changes to please God? Are you willing to cease sinful activity in order to get closer to God? He created male and female to dominate the earth and rule together in dominion. We as men and women of God should not dominate one another. If we were so valuable to God that He would send his son as an offering to die for our sins, can’t we “die” to the things that are preventing a closer, intimate relationship with Him?
Be encouraged, especially during all holiday seasons, to strengthen your relationship with God. As singles, look at your cup as full because as mighty men and women of God, we are worth the wait. We now have the opportunity before marriage to get our spiritual, physical and financial house in order to be a blessing in the marriage covenant. I pray that your faith doesn’t fail during the holidays because God is ready to take you to the next level for His glory. Don’t concern yourself with finding “Mr. or Mrs. Right.” Be prepared when God brings him or her into your life.
“Weakness is not sin, but using your weakness as an excuse to sin is sinful and
unwise”
Love, peace and eternal happiness!
Darren L. Washington
Monday, December 14, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Boys to Men: Living by Example
As men, we must take the responsibility in helping our boys understand the characteristics and responsibilities of Godly men. Regardless of past and present mistakes, we have a responsibility to impart wisdom to our young men. We want to make sure they have the necessary tools to pass the test they will encounter during their lives. They will and must be tested and it is our duty to help prepare them as much as possible. Our present and future families depend on the relationships we have with our women of God. We must continue to remind ourselves as men, and teach our young men that:
• Making babies outside of marriage does not make you a man, it makes you irresponsible
• It‘s responsible to pay child support and spend time with your children, but it’s wise to refrain from sexual activity until marriage to raise your children in a two parent home without the “Baby Momma Drama”
• Using a condom does not protect you from all sexually transmitted diseases
• Using a condom does not protect you from the emotional and spiritual consequences of sex (obsessive behavior like stalking women)
• Females are to be loved and respected, not looked at as objects of desire to be used and abused. How would you want a man to look and treat your mother and sister?
• Choosing a wife will one of the most important decisions you will ever make
• Godly married men don’t cheat on their wives, and single men don’t cheat in their relationships
• We gain wisdom and discernment by having an intimate relationship with God by praying, reading, studying, and living by HIS word.
Young men who are irresponsible learn their behavior from irresponsible adult men. These men don’t understand that action speaks louder than words, and young men often duplicate the actions they see. There are adult men who are responsible and engaged in their son’s lives, and others whom are involved in youth programs. We have many men who are working with youth to eliminate gang violence, drug use, and promote the benefits of a quality education.
The few men, who speak to young men concerning sexual activity, limit their words of wisdom to the use of a condom and “safe sex” practices as the only form of birth control. The men who provide this ill-advised solution are single men who engage in premarital sex, and married men who engaged in sexual activity before marriage. Men who speak up for God and sexual purity are looked at by many as square, ignorant, foolish, and promoting a lifestyle that is impossible for men to live by.
Who says men can’t be sexually pure until marriage? Who says men can’t be faithful to women in committed relationships without being sexually active? Who says men can’t be faithful to their wives in marriage? The only men who feel this way are single men who engage in sexual activity, the women they are sleeping with, and the married men and women who cheat on their spouses.
Godly men know in spite of our past mistakes, we are “God Chasers” who are not perfect but have a burning desire to please God by feeding the “Spirit Man” and not the flesh. Let’s be honest with our young men and share with them some of the unwise choices we may have made in the areas of sex, drugs, fighting, lying, cheating, and any other negative actions God delivered us from. We can’t allow pride and a false perception of perfection (now that we are doing better at living a life pleasing to God) to hide the fact that we all make mistakes, and to seek forgiveness from God, our women, our children, our family and friends is what Godly men do.
6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
(Proverbs 22:6)
It’s time for “Men of God” to break the manly “Code of Silence” and speak life, wisdom, and Jesus into the lives of our future men, husbands, and leaders. Let’s remind ourselves and teach them:
• Block out sexually impure thoughts by redirecting your focus to something positive and non sexual like sports, starting a business, or going to subway
• Not to become weak and drop your guard because women respect and admire you
• Learn to appreciate the beauty of women, but learn not to lust after women
• Be cautious and prayerful of the type of women you love, give affection and conversation
• Before passion grows, decide what type of woman you will love
• Determine if a woman’s character and faith in God is as attractive as her beauty
• Sexual purity will allow you the opportunity to make sure a woman’s personality, attitude, and commitment to solve problems are as gratifying as her hugs
• The enemy will attack when you are emotionally and physically drained, so get proper rest
• You must be tested, so study the word of God to prepare yourself
• Be patient, no need to rush
14 Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God. 15 "Be careful not to make a treaty with those who live in the land; for when they prostitute themselves to their gods and sacrifice to them, they will invite you and you will eat their sacrifices. 16 And when you choose some of their daughters as wives for your sons and those daughters prostitute themselves to their gods, they will lead your sons to do the same. (Exodus 34:14-16)
Always stay alert to the schemes of the enemy. We can never pray enough, read the word enough, or attend too many church services. Don’t take “sinning breaks” (you know what I’m talking about “Lord I’ve been good for 3 months, so I deserve a little break”) because the enemy is looking for a crack to launch his attack. Please be cautious of what type of women you allow to occupy time in the auditorium of your mind. God created women to be loved by us, and for her to be a helper suitable for us. Choose your helper (wife) wisely, because every woman you meet does not have the intention to help. It doesn’t make you less of a man to run from temptation. Run my father, my brother, my son. Run, run, run, and run!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10 And though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even be with her. 11 One day he went into the house to attend to his duties, and none of the household servants was inside. 12 She caught him by his cloak and said, "Come to bed with me!" But he left his cloak in her hand and ran out of the house. (Genesis 39:10-12)
The enemy understands the plans that God has for men to help advance his kingdom. Working and ruling with our women in dominion to rule the earth is his desire for us. The journey of being Godly men is a never ending process, but how successful the journey will depend on the choices we make. Choose life. Choose Jesus Christ as your King.
Love, peace, and eternal happiness
Darren L. Washington
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